The Invisible Load of Breastfeeding

When You Are the Food Source—Mentally, Physically, Emotionally

Yesterday we talked about how breastfeeding is natural—but definitely not easy. Today, I want to go even deeper into the side no one really warns you about: the mental, emotional, and invisible labor of breastfeeding.

Because breastfeeding isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. It’s mental. And when you’re trying to exclusively breastfeed, it can feel like your whole identity becomes wrapped up in being the source. Your body is literally your baby’s food system—and that pressure? That pressure is heavy.

---

It’s the 3AM cries that only you can respond to because you’re the only one with milk. It’s realizing halfway through the day that you forgot which side they fed from last (shoutout to all the moms walking around lopsided—solidarity). It’s watching your baby get fussy and wondering, “Is my supply dropping?” “Is she still hungry?” “Is this my fault?”

And if you’re pumping or combo feeding? It’s a constant, ticking clock of when you last expressed milk, how many ounces are in the fridge, and whether that freezer stash will even last through the weekend.

It’s doing mental math like:

• How many wet diapers have we had today?

• When was the last feed?

• Did I drink enough water? Eat anything?

• Was that a cluster feed or just comfort nursing?

• Am I doing this “right?”

  
  

Apps can help track it, sure—but the mental tab never closes. And when you’re the only person who can physically feed your baby, stepping away—even for a nap, a break, or just a shower—starts to feel like a luxury… or worse, a guilt trip.

Let’s talk about the invisible pressure:

• Planning outings around pumping or feedings.

• Feeling selfish because you want a few hours out but don’t want to “waste” your milk.

• Feeling bad that you're secretly happy when they sleep through a feed... but panicking that it might hurt your supply.

• Wanting support but also not wanting anyone else to touch your baby because you’re tired, hormonal, and overstimulated.

• Being touched out. Being worn down. Still showing up.

And don’t even get me started on “the stash.”

Some moms can fill an entire freezer with bags of milk. Others are barely squeezing out 1-2 ounces while triple feeding and wondering if it’s even worth it. There’s so much unspoken pressure around output—as if more milk equals better motherhood.

But what about the moms who feed on demand, straight from the tap, all day and night? Or the ones using formula to supplement because they just don’t have the supply?

Where’s their applause?

I had days where I questioned if I was failing. I’d feel my body—this body that literally made and carried life—wasn’t doing enough. That somehow I was already falling short as a mom because I couldn’t provide the one thing nature promised me I would.

But here’s what I learned: Give yourself grace.

Even the “natural” way can come with struggle, doubt, and breakdowns in the middle of the night.

All of this… all of this is running in the background while you’re still healing, still adjusting, still figuring out who you are now. Because becoming a mom doesn’t just give you a baby—it gives you a brand new version of yourself, one that’s often running on 2 hours of sleep and three half-drunk cups of cold coffee.

Let me say this clearly and with my whole chest:

Breastfeeding can be a beautiful act of love—but it can also be mentally and emotionally exhausting. And that doesn’t make you ungrateful. That makes you human.

So today’s post is for the mamas quietly carrying it all. You are not alone. You are doing more than enough. Whether you breastfeed, pump, supplement, combo feed, or decided to stop altogether—you are still doing what’s best for both of you.

And that, mama, is everything.