When Survival Is A Struggle

Yesterday, I went into the office. Normally, I only commute in on Mondays and Fridays — less people traffic, less chaos. Leaving in the morning while my family is sleeping is already enough of a mental load, but having a quiet office to focus on work makes it more bearable.

Yesterday, though, I almost didn’t go in. I told myself, I would just wait until I’m more prepared with either leftovers or money to cover something cheap for lunch. Cheap in downtown Financial District, is rough but possible.

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And yes, I said it before anyone else got to chime in, I should have prepared more. Honestly, it’s not always that simple. Budgeting right now is rough, like walking a tightrope with no safety net making the walk longer and longer at a personal risk.

When you’re juggling being a mom, showing up as a good employee, trying to be a supportive partner, and keeping your home from falling apart all while the world itself feels like it’s crumbling. Preparation sometimes looks like just making it through the day.

Thankfully, a close friend, a true blessing, sent me some money so I could make it into the office and buy lunch. I was (and am) incredibly grateful. But beneath that gratitude, I also felt a heavy sadness settle in. Both feelings can exist in the same place.

Because in moments like that, it’s hard not to feel like I’m failing. Like I’m not doing enough, or I should’ve figured it out by now.

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The truth is, it’s nearly impossible to budget your way through a broken economy. Prices for everyday essentials have tripled since before the pandemic, and wages haven’t come close to keeping up. Food shouldn’t be a luxury, yet more and more Americans are finding themselves one unexpected bill away from financial crisis.

Essentials should not feel out of reach, it’s crazy to me that so many have to figure out what they can do without or find what’s left to cut out.

Sometimes I ask myself: Am I not enough? Should I pick up another job? Is me working for only 35 hours a week to little? Should I aim for 50?

That’s the constant push-and-pull so many of us face, the pressure to provide versus the desire to be present. Sure, another job might ease some of the financial strain. But at what cost?

If I take on more work, that’s less time with my daughter.

Fewer cuddles.

Missed milestones.

Moments I can’t get back, trying to silence the judgment, the "mom guilty" of it all.

And that’s the cruel irony of surviving right now, to stay afloat, we’re forced to sacrifice the very things that are supposed to make life worth living.

I don’t have a neat resolution for this. No financial hack or motivational quote to tie it all together, I am still in the storm, working my way to the eye.

But what I do know is this: struggling doesn’t mean you’re lazy or irresponsible — it means you’re human, doing your best in a system that wasn’t built for you to thrive.

To anyone facing hard times, I hope you have a friend who shows up for you — especially when you’re suffering in silence.