Embracing the Journey Ahead, Kind of

Taking five pregnancy tests wasn’t just about confirming I was pregnant—it marked the beginning of a life-changing journey filled with growth (and by growth, I mean my body… lol) and personal transformation.

Realizing I was about to bring a whole human into the world was, quite honestly, a concept I could barely wrap my head around. Once it started to sink in, it was like my brain and body synced up overnight. Suddenly, food started smelling weird, the infamous “morning sickness” (a.k.a. all-day sickness) crept in, and the bathroom officially became my second home.

Okay, let me pause this regularly scheduled storytelling to vent for a second.

Yes? Great. (Like you really had a choice—ha!)

The number of times you have to pee? Unreal. Whoever said that starts at the end of pregnancy is a Big. Fat. Liar. The potty party starts immediately.

And don’t even get me started on water. It started tasting like metal… or pennies. Not that I know what pennies taste like (obviously), but you get the idea. Disgusting.

Anyway, where were we? Oh right—pregnancy symptoms.

Adapting to this new way of life for the next nine months was a major shift. Almost everything my boyfriend cooked suddenly repulsed me, staying hydrated felt impossible, and booking an appointment with an OB felt like trying to get Chris Brown tickets—impossible.

(Well not impossible since I got tickets to see him in August, but you get the reference.)

About a month and a half before I found out I was pregnant, I’d booked a vacation package to spend my 30th birthday in sunny Dominican Republic. (For those who don’t know, my birthday’s in December, and if you’re from NYC, you know—trade in cold and snow for a tan anytime! Yes, a tan. If you wear sunscreen, you can get a nice golden brown glow, thank you very much.)

Even though I couldn't enjoy the full perks of my all-inclusive trip (goodbye, spicy margaritas), I wasn't about to cancel it just because I was pregnant. What was supposed to be a solo trip suddenly became a couples’ getaway—because now my boyfriend had to come with me. Last-minute expedited passport? So anxiety-coded. But hey, it worked—he left with passport in hand. Thanks to me waking up at 7 AM to call the office and make his appointment.

You are welcome again, my love as you read this post

Still, before I could even think about beaches, pools, or sunshine, I knew I needed to see an OB. I wanted someone to lay down the do’s and don’ts before I left the country… three months pregnant.

I called Montefiore, NYU, and every network imaginable. Nobody had dates before my trip. And if they did, it was only an intake with a nurse. I took whatever they could squeeze me into, but honestly? I felt awful. Unhappy. Miserable.

A former supervisor suggested I go to the ER based on the symptoms I was feeling, just to make sure everything was normal pregnancy woes. (Sidebar: that $250 co-pay is criminal.) So I called the Montefiore OB office first, just to see if that was necessary. That’s when pregnancy hormones took the wheel.

The nurse asked casually, “And what are we calling about today?”

And that’s when I snapped. 

“Everything! I feel miserable. I can’t eat anything. I’m lightheaded. I can’t keep liquids down.

I HATE IT HERE. If this is how pregnancy plays out, I want to log off, and unsubscribe,” I said—hysterically sobbing.

She stayed calm (bless her), and gently said, “It sounds like you might be suffering from dehydration. Please head to your closest ER for some IV fluids.”

I realized: this journey wasn’t going to be pretty or perfectly planned.

It was going to be raw, overwhelming, and completely unpredictable. 

I didn’t feel glowing or graceful. I felt scared, anxious, and constantly nauseous, awaiting the excitement.

IV band-aid; Me not happy about it

If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re stumbling through the early days of pregnancy (or life, or adulthood in general), just know: you are not alone. We’re all winging it, crying in bathrooms, and googling symptoms at 3AM. Life has no manual (and I love a good manual).